1. DISCUSES THE PROBLEM WHEN POSSIBLE
When you are offended one of
the ways to easily let go is by discussing it, but when that is not possible
write it down on a paper, in form of a letter, write down your pain and
everything you feel, and by the time you are trough it will look like you have
dropped your pain on a paper. When it is possible send it to your offender, but
if that will cause more troubles, mainly writing it down on paper is a relief therapy.
2. UNDERSTAND YOUR OFFENDER
This is one secret that
have helped in my life personally and still helping me, anytime anyone offends
me, I make excuses for them. While I was growing up, I was excepting so much
love and care from my siblings, I felt I was mistreated, I wanted to been shown
so much love and care, but I was only expecting from them what they never
experience themselves. No one can give you what they do not have, they were not
raised and treated the way I wanted them to treat me, in the environment I grew
up, it was normal to mock people, they laugh at them and tease them, and that
was what I went through all through my childhood. I was teased, I was mocked,
and I was physically abused, and that in my heart was almost giving me a low
self esteem, but by the time I grew up and meet Jesus, He healed me and made me
to understand my offenders. The moment I understood my so called offenders, I
loved them back and that drilled up my anger tank. You have to deliberately
learn how to understand your offenders. That took me to the lady I counsel
years ago, she came to my office and felt so humiliated by her husband’s
action. She told me my husband is a fairly responsible and a nice person,
everybody respects him but I don’t know why he will do everything to pay for
sex. And while I was having that discussion with her, I told her to go back and
find the background of her husband, she returned weeks later and she told me “I
have found it”. While her husband was growing up, there was a motel just closed
to her husband’s house, and all through his child hood he was use to seeing
people he had respect for go there to pay for sex, at the age of twelve he was
already stealing money from home to go there to sleep with older women and at
the time I was having this discussion with this lady, her husband was
thirty-nine years old. There is no way it is going to be easy to go off that
habit, just like that. It takes longer for you to go out of a habit, than it
took for you to learn it. It is just like someone addicted to cocaine, it will
take a long time for them to go off that habit. The moment I helped her
understand the background of her husband, she was no longer angry at him,
rather she was looking for a way to help her husband go off that habit. If you
will learn to understand your offender, it will help you not to that mad at
them.
3. FORGIVE YOUR OFFENDER
Forgive even if you can’t
understand why the person treated you wrongly, the word of God says; forgiving
one another, if any man has a quarrel against any, even as Christ forgive you,
so also do, forgiveness is not an option but a commandment, forgiveness is the
gift you give to someone that they do not deserve it. No marriage or
relationship can survive without forgiveness, I will always say; that marriage is the coming together of two
givers and two forgivers, because your spouse will offend you more than
anything in the word but if you learn to forgive you will have a wonderful
marriage. A lot of people think that adultery is the licenses for divorce, yes,
there was a place it was mentioned in the Bible, but in that same verse Jesus
was telling them, because your heart is harden. God sees you when you
deliberately make up your mind to sin against him, yet HE finds a place in his
heart to forgive you, the Bible says in Isaiah; that God is your husband now,
so the same way a husband will feel betrayed when a wife cheat on him, that is
the same way God feels anytime you betray him and sin against him, but yet he
finds a way to forgive you he expects you to do the same to another person, forgiveness is the only road to a joyful
marriage. You have to learn to forgive you spouse. God wants us to live our
life just the way nature is, naturally morning will give way for noon, and noon
will give way for evening, no matter how hot the noon is it will not disturb
the place of the evening. But if you choose to tire yourself to the noon, you
will not be able to enjoy the calmness and the glory of evening. Do not allow
any person to put your life on a spot, because of hurt and offence,
forgiveness is a relief pill but un-forgiveness will put your life on a spot for
a long time, you can choose to respond to offence, you can choose to ignore it,
the choice is yours.
4. LOOK FOR A PEAR IN THE OFFENCE
I read a story of a renowned
married counselor Gary Smalley who had a troublesome co-worker that led him to
discover his gift. Personally I am fulfilling my assignment today, because of
all what I have been through in life, and my last boss I worked with as a
banker was the final push. He was so insulting that I started thinking and
looking inward on how to use the gift God gave me to impart the world rather
than to sitting with a boss who thinks I am useless, as a result of his
actions, I made a choice of not to allow another person to take the driver sit
of my life. Today I have found a peal in that offence. I am thankful to him,
rather than be angry at him. The same boss now follow me on Facebook, sometime
ago he wrote me and said; “I am so proud of you, I could see the work you are
doing”. Do not allow an offence to keep you at a spot, rather look for a
treasure out of that offence. Anger can distance you from people, yourself and
from God. Anger can lower your self-esteem. Making choice today to be free from
anger, the bible says be anxious for nothing, because he knows exactly what anxiousness
can do to you. Anxiousness that resolves form anger can freeze your
relationship, your health and rob you of your inside.
5. DEVELOP SELF CONTROL
Sometime you may not be
able immediately control the emotions of anger, you can control what you do, if
you really want to. You have to deliberately stop anger from robbing your life
blessing. A lady called me some time ago after reading one of my articles she
said to me; “My mouth have ended every relationship I went into” she said when I
am angry, I say very nasty things to them and even when I am sorry thereafter,
they still walk away, she said I don’t know what to do. I told her, it’s
simple; control what you say when you are angry, now we know your enemy, then
stop your enemy from robbing you. Anger can rob any good relationship. Another lady
had a confrontation with her husband to be, and she said to him; “when you die I
will come to your funeral”, the young man said on no account will I marry this
woman, and that was the end of that relationship. You have to deliberately stop
anger form robbing you. On another occasions sometime ago a couple came to my
office and the wife at that time wanted to leave the marriage, somehow they got
to know about me and they contacted me, while I was talking to the wife, I said;
why do you want to leave your marriage? She said to me my husband hits me at
any slides provocation and when I was asking the husband, why do you always beat
your wife up? He said; pastor I don’t know, when I get angry I just can’t control
myself, before you know it I am beating her. And the Holy Spirit ministered to
me what to say to him, I said, the bible says; anger is in the bosom of a fool,
I asked, are you a fool sir? The said No, I said anytime you are tempted to hit
your wife ask yourself that question, am I a fool, if the answer is, go ahead
and hit her but if you know the answer is No then don’t hit her, and I also
told them a lot of things to do to resolve their problem. After sometime about
six seven months, they called me back and the wife said can you imagine my
husband has not hit me since we left your office, and when the husband was
talking to me, he said; that word keep resounding in my spirit, that anger is
in the bosom of a fool, and because I know I am not a fool, I have refuse to do
what anger wants me to do. Don’t allow anger to rob you destiny develop a self
control, and you will put anger where it belong.