"PROLONGING
SILENT TREATMENT WHEN OFFENDED TO SHOW YOU ARE ANGRY"
This makes you and your husband used to not talking and makes you two draw
further apart doing major damage to your communication. Even when he does wrong,
get angry, but get to talk about it and forgive quickly.
"KILLING
YOUR SOCIAL LIFE IN THE NAME OF BEING A GOOD WIFE"
Don't isolate yourself. Have mature friends to surround you, to grow with you
as a wife. This makes your life richer, widens your worldview, challenges you and
makes you less demanding on your husband's time. Again, make sure the lady
friends you keep are of good character. You need fellow women who will stand with
you, iron sharpens iron.
"OVER
REACTING OR GETTING EASILY ANGRY" When your husband
reveals to you information and you over re-act or you become highly suspicious
or critical of him, that will discourage him from sharing matters with you in
future and he will begin to be secretive, not because he wants to but because he
would rather avoid the toxic environment you bring when over reacting. Secrecy
opens up a door to many dangers in your marriage.
"USING
SEX AS A WEAPON" Never try to punish your husband by
denying him sex. This will make him desire your sex less. Once your sex-life is
damaged, your marriage will suffer. Never play games with sex.
"LISTENING
TO OUTSIDE VOICES MORE THAN TO YOUR HUSBAND"
You and your husband know your marriage and the issues concerning your marriage
best, not your family or friends. When you listen to multiple voices to direct
your marriage, you will get confused. The best person to talk to is your
husband. Don't make your husband feel you value more what others say than what
he says.
"SHARING
PERSONAL INFORMATION WITH OUTSIDERS" There are
things to tell your friends and there are things best kept between you and your
husband. Do not bad mouth your husband to the public. Don't gossip about him.
Cover him.
"ATTACKING THE SYMPTOMS AND NOT THE
ISSUE" If your husband drinks too much, don't attack the alcohol or
your husband; find out what is making him drink and address the issue. Is he
stressed, is he going through something? If your husband is addicted to pornography,
don't attack the porn and your husband; address the reason causing him to turn
to porn, is it sexual frustration or dissatisfaction? Is he battling low self-esteem
issues?
"DRESSING
UP WHEN GOING OUTSIDE, DRESSING POORLY AT HOME"
Do not look good for outsiders and wear nice clothes when going to work or to
the public but look pathetic when with your husband at home or in the bedroom.
Your goal is to be visually stimulating to your husband.
"LETTING
GO OF YOUR DREAMS FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR MARRIAGE" Don't
end your career and throw away all your years of education and experience, all
your talent and skills because you are a wife. Get a job, keep your job, make
money, get into business, study, and advance your goals. Grow. There is more to
your life than marriage. When you stagnate and stop growing, you will become
less compatible with your husband and he will soon struggle to relate with you
because he has grown more than you over the years.
"COMPARING
YOUR HUSBAND WITH OTHER MEN" Don't keep telling
your husband, 'Why can't you be like this man or that man'. The fastest way to
kill your husband's self-esteem, ego, dreams and drive is by praising other men
and looking down on him.
"ABANDONING
YOUR HUSBAND" When you get a child/children, don't
abandon your husband and stop meeting
his needs. Don't push him aside. Show him you still need him. Does parenthood
together but also still remember you need to keep the warmth as a couple. Yes,
you can balance being a wife and a mother, just like he can balance being a husband
and a father. Don't belittle him saying being a mother is more hard work than
being a father. You need each other.
"COMPETING
WITH OTHER COUPLES" Don't compete with other couples in
order to make an impression. When you want to live like other couples and have what
they have, you will only make your marriage shallow. Don't make your husband
feel not good enough because you are admiring other marriages. Stop playing
catch up. Find your own identity, goals and pace as a couple.
"FORCING
CHANGE IN YOUR HUSBAND" Stop shouting at your
husband and trying to manipulate him or control him to change. If you want him
to be better at something, simply inspire him to do so. Win him over with love and
praise, not coercion. If you force him it will back fire on you and he will
rebel and repel.
"BEING
YOUR HUSBAND'S BIGGEST CRITIC" Stop being the woman
who sees no good in your husband. Of course you saw good in him and that's why
you got married to him. Don't cancel all the good he has done for years when he
does one or a few mistakes. Don't keep a record of his wrongs. Be his biggest fan,
his number one cheerleader and he will do great things with you and for you.
"HIDING IN CHURCH AND ABANDONING YOUR
HOME" Lady, it is good to be active for God, to go for keshas, to pray
for your family. But remember the Church is not a building. The Church is a
living body. Your first responsibility is your home. Be present at home. You
are the answer to the prayers you make for your marriage and family. God will
bless your marriage, not because of the hours you put in a religious building
but the effort you put at home.
"BEING PASSIVE IN THE NAME OF
SUBMISSION” Being a submissive wife doesn't mean you sit pretty and lack initiative,
it doesn't mean you don't have a voice or you wait for your husband in
everything. Contribute. Get a vision for your marriage and share it with him.
Ask your husband questions. Identify needs at home and meet them. Lead with
your husband, don't just tag along. Take your husband out on dates. Come up with
ideas and discuss them with your husband. Make sexual advances on your husband.
"BOTTLING
IN ISSUES" Stop keeping things to yourself
pretending you are happy. Stop holding grudges deep inside you. Stop wearing a
plastic smile. Stop thinking your husband will know what is bothering you if you
don't say it. Stop calling your husband insensitive yet you don't voice to him
what is disturbing you. If you keep things inside you, they will grow and one
day blow up in an ugly way. If your husband has wronged you, confront him with
love.
"THREATENING
DIVORCE TO SCARE YOUR HUSBAND" Do not casually use
the word divorce. Do not use threats. Do not tolerate thoughts of ending your
marriage lest you risk the danger of appearing irrational and indecisive. Every
marriage will have its challenges but that doesn't mean you toy with the idea of
exiting it. If you do, divorce will actually be an irreversible reality