It doesn't take an expert to know that men and women are very
different. What we often don’t pay attention to is that those differences mean
that what a husband needs from his wife is quite different from what a wife
needs from her husband. Our tendency is to try to express love to our spouse in
the way we would like to be loved. Unfortunately that is never a successful
strategy. Don’t make the assumption that your husband should be satisfied
because you are giving him what you want to receive from him. Here are the top
four needs that every husband has:
1. Respect He would rather be unloved than disrespected.
Respect is huge with men. Men need love just like women do
but a man can cope with not being loved much better than he can cope with not
being respected. If your husband had to choose between love and respect, he
would choose respect any day. There is something in the way that God wired men
that makes them crave to be respected, especially by their wives. Your husband
will listen for respect in your voice, look for respect in your eyes and watch
your body language for respect. Any hint of disrespect makes a man close up to
his wife which is one of the reasons why men never respond to nagging, even if
they know their wife is right. Anything that suggests to a man that his wife
feels he is incompetent, inadequate, or his judgment cannot be trusted, will
draw strong resistance from him. Your husband needs to know that you admire and
respect him, that you value his opinions and that you see the good in him, even
when others don’t.
Use your words to communicate your respect for your husband, both in his presence and his absence. Celebrate his achievements and express your appreciation for everything he does. Also, give him permission to make mistakes. Some women act like it is their God-given mission to prevent their husband from making mistakes, so they try to control his behavior by nagging. Give your husband the freedom to make decisions and support him in those decisions. If you disagree with the choices he is making, state your reasons clearly and respectfully and then turns the matter over to God. 1 Peter 3:1-2 puts it this way, ‘In the same way, wives, you should patiently accept the authority of your husbands. This is so that even if they don’t obey God’s word, as they observe your pure respectful behavior, they may be persuaded without a word by the way you live.’ Men are more easily persuaded by respectful behavior than nagging words.
Use your words to communicate your respect for your husband, both in his presence and his absence. Celebrate his achievements and express your appreciation for everything he does. Also, give him permission to make mistakes. Some women act like it is their God-given mission to prevent their husband from making mistakes, so they try to control his behavior by nagging. Give your husband the freedom to make decisions and support him in those decisions. If you disagree with the choices he is making, state your reasons clearly and respectfully and then turns the matter over to God. 1 Peter 3:1-2 puts it this way, ‘In the same way, wives, you should patiently accept the authority of your husbands. This is so that even if they don’t obey God’s word, as they observe your pure respectful behavior, they may be persuaded without a word by the way you live.’ Men are more easily persuaded by respectful behavior than nagging words.
2. Priorities his sexual needs
Most men are more sexual than their wives; only 20% of women
report a higher sex drive than their husbands. This is usually one of the first
shocks that newly wedded wives encounter. It is a mystery to many women why
their husband desires sex so frequently, so they convince themselves that there
must be something wrong with him. The reality is that your husband is perfectly
normal. Some women assume that sex should only happen in a marriage when you
both feel like it. If you wait until your sexual desires coincide, you will
have sex infrequently because a woman’s sexual desires tend to be cyclical.
This will mean that you have a very frustrated husband as the only godly way he
can satisfy his sexual needs is with you.
So how should a wife respond to her husband’s sexual needs? A
man’s sexuality is intrinsically linked to his self-esteem, so it matters to
him that his wife accepts him as he is and makes an effort to meet his needs.
Rather than criticizing your husband’s needs, you will take a quantum leap
forward in your relationship when you deliberately begin to act more sexual
than you feel. If you are pro-active about your sex life, you will be more
deliberate about how you plan your days so that you are not always too
exhausted to have sex. Women lead very busy lives and it is very easy to get so
sucked into work, your children’s needs, church and family commitments, that
you habitually have no energy left for your husband. That is a dangerous place
to be in your relationship. Your husband should be your number one priority
after God. If you need to reduce other commitments to be available to him, do
it. Investing in your love life will pay dividends in all other areas of your
marriage. Also, depending on your upbringing, you may have been programmed to
think that being open about your sexual desires is not something women should
do. Marital sex is a holy and beautiful thing and it boosts your husband’s
self-esteem to know that you desire him sexually and are not just tolerating
him.
3. He needs your help
As capable as your husband is, there are so many ways in
which you can enrich his life and multiply his productivity. If he was
self-sufficient, you would be irrelevant in his life. Remember that when God
made Eve, He made her because He knew that Adam needed a helper. Your husband
is well aware of the gaps in his life and every man’s hope is that his wife
will be able to fill in those gaps. This means that rather than complaining
about your husband’s inadequacies, you are called to compensate for them
wherever you can. This is what makes a husband and wife team stronger together
than either of them would have been apart. You each have your strengths and
weaknesses. When you both compensate for each other rather than competing with
each other, the true beauty of marriage becomes apparent.
Study your husband. Where can you step in and help him make
things happen without making a fuss? Partner with him to create a well-managed,
peaceful home environment that you can both enjoy. A restful home environment
is a shelter from the pressures of the world and will help him stay productive
and focused.
4. He needs your encouragement and support
Your husband needs your encouragement and support to be able
to fulfill His God-given purpose. There is something about a supportive wife
that gives her husband renewed energy whenever he faces difficult situations in
life. In sport, ‘home advantage’ relates to the advantage sporting teams have
when they play in their home territory with their loyal fans cheering them on. This
gives them the added impetus to play well and win because they are surrounded
by fans who believe in them. You should be your husband’s greatest fan, giving
him that ‘home advantage’ and believing in him when nobody else does.
Support your husband with your words, actions and prayers. Let him know that you will always be there to support him and that you will always be loyal to him, in his presence and in his absence. You will have your husband’s heart and confidence when he knows he can trust you to always be on his side, no matter what life throws at him.
Support your husband with your words, actions and prayers. Let him know that you will always be there to support him and that you will always be loyal to him, in his presence and in his absence. You will have your husband’s heart and confidence when he knows he can trust you to always be on his side, no matter what life throws at him.