Social media negative influences, personal character flaws,
promiscuous acts, poor home training and lack of respect for God's eternal laws
is making some people think marriage is just a business they can walk in and
walk out as they like. The rate of divorce today simply shows that too many
ignorant people and families are destroying their eternity by some stupid
decisions they are making by abusing marriage values as instructed by the
Almighty God.
That you have money or not doesn't exempt you from the warnings
against divorce. I hope such people get to find help and retrace their steps
before it's too late because IGNORANCE will not be an excuse when you die.
These are Strong Words, but necessary for all and sundry.
There are some necessary ingredients for a healthy marriage.
That’s the point of this post. Want a healthier marriage?
Consider these 7 Commandments of Marriage:-
1. Thou shalt serve one another:
A good marriage practices mutual submission. Ephesians
5:21commands us to submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. Marriage
is not a 50/50 deal. It’s a 100/100 deal — each willing to surrender all to the
other person.
How are you at serving your spouse? Would they say you strive
to serve them more everyday? Are you more the giver or the taker in the
relationship? Be honest.
2. Thou shalt love unconditionally:
Unconditionally means without conditions. (See how deep this
blog can be.) I’ll love you if… is not the command. It’s I’ll love you even if
not. God commands us to love our enemies. How much more should this commitment
be strong within a marriage?
Are you loving your spouse even with the flaws that you can
see better than anyone else? Here’s a quick test: Does the way you communicate
with your spouse indicate you have the highest regard for them — always?
3. Thou shalt respect one another:
The Golden Rule covers this one. Everyone wants to be
respected — so in any good marriage respect is granted to and by both parties.
And, by the way, I believe respect too is to be unconditional.
In my experience, this one is sometimes easier for one spouse
to give than the other, especially the one who works hardest in the marriage.
Respect is mostly given because of actions. But respect is important for both
spouses. Most people grant respect only when all conditions are met to be
respected. That makes sense, but it doesn’t provide motivation to improve when
the other party needs it most. All of us need someone who believes in us even
when we don’t believe in ourselves. That’s the grace of respect. When most of
us feel respected we will work harder to keep that respect.
4. Thou shalt put no other earthly relationships before this
one:
“Let not man put asunder” is not just a good King James
Version wedding line. It’s God’s desire for a marriage. Great couples strive to
allow no one — even children — even in-laws — to get in the way of building a
healthy marriage.
Wow! Isn’t this a hard one? Yet I can’t tell you how many
marriages I have seen ruined because the children came first or the in-laws
interfered. I’ve seen marriages ruined by friends — sometimes co-workers — who
had little regard for the integrity of the marriage, and so they built a wedge
between the couple. As hard as it is sometimes, great couples work to protect
the marriage from every outside interruption.
5. Thou shalt commit beyond feelings:
The Bible talks a great deal about the renewal of our mind
(Romans 12:2, for example). The mind is more reliable than emotions. You may
not always feel as in love as you did the day you married. There will be tough
seasons in any marriage. Strong marriages last because they have a commitment
beyond their emotional response to each other. And when that’s true for both
parties, feelings almost always reciprocate and grow over time.
As true and necessary as this is, great marriage partners
continue to pursue each other — they date one another — fostering the romantic
feelings that everyone craves in a relationship. Sobering question: When’s the
last time you pursued your spouse?
6. Thou shalt consider the other person's interest ahead of
thine own:
Again, we are commanded to to do this in all relationships.
How much more should we in marriage?
Over the years, as couples get comfortable with one another,
I’ve observed couples who become very selfish with their individual time.
Sometimes, for example, one spouse pursues a hobby that excludes the other one,
and more and more time is committed to that hobby. The other spouse begins to
feel neglected. It may be allocation of time, in actions or the words used to
communicate, but sometimes a spouse can make the other spouse feel they are no
longer valuable to them. Are you considering how you are being perceived by
your spouse?
7. Thou shalt complete one another:
The Biblical command is one flesh (Ephesians 5). I’m not sure
that’s anymore possible than the command that our individual flesh be molded
into the image of Christ. It’s a command we obey in process. We are saints
still under construction. We still sin. And that process isn't completed here
on earth in my opinion. So it is in a marriage. We never completely “get
there,” but we set such a high standard for our marriage that we continue to
press towards the goal.
There is no better place where “iron sharpens iron” than in a
marriage. Cheryl makes me a better person. And, if I can be so bold — I think I
do the same for her. There are qualities in her I need and qualities in me she
needs to become one flesh. But that’s a process. That takes time, humility, and
intentionality. I must allow her to make me better — and likewise for her. But
when we do, we are both the benefactors.